This guide is specifically for partners of ABDL’s who crave Diaper Discipline but still struggle with acceptance and go through peaks and troughs of interest.

Some hard truths:

For your relationship to work long term it is crucial you accept this part of them AND are actively involved in it.

Unless they’re a pure DL (it’s just a sex thing) then this is part of their identity and the lack of feeling accepted is just like someone who is gay or transgender trying to hide it. In the same way, a transgender person might need to transition to feel fulfilled, you need to be involved in transitioning their life into one that involves ABDL regularly for them to be happy.

This doesn’t mean they need to be diapered 24/7 or become a full-time baby but neither does it mean you can just let them wear when they want and not get involved.

What they need

This type of ABDL needs:

• To be regularly in diapers
• To be forced to wear diapers
• When wearing be expected to use them
• To be forced to use them
• To be treated as a baby some of the time
• To feel a loss of control
• For you to care for them

They have likely told you some of this but most will have withheld their full desires out of shame and fear of acceptance. 

Baby elements and messy diapers are the two most often hidden desires, yet for a successful relationship, you likely need to incorporate both into your life.

Let’s go through each item one at a time and how you can and should get involved.

To be regularly in diapers

Your partner should be diapered at some point most days and spend several days wearing full-time during the week.

This can go as far as wearing all the time but often this can be challenging to fit into a work & social life. However, your goal should be to have them wearing as much as possible each week. Critically this needs to be more than they want to wear.

A good benchmark to aim for is for them to be diapered 40-60% of the time.

To be forced to wear them

A key desire that needs to be addressed for this type of ABDL is the element of forced diapering. 

You should decide when they wear and unless they have an extremely good reason to object, this decision should be final.

Forcing them to wear should also mean forcing. If you regularly face objections, which is likely and I can tell you is driven by shame not a lack of desire, then the following methods can be used. 

Option 1: Create a dedicated diaper changing area and attach hand and chest restraints to it. Every morning after they’ve showered make them lay down to receive either underwear (which should be locked away) or a diaper. With the restraints in place, they are powerless to stop you from making the decision. Once the diaper is on very few will take it off now the decision has been made.

Option 2: Lock away or throw away their underwear permanently, instead each day say if they’re allowed to wear a pull-up or must be diapered. Pull-ups are extremely discreet so can be worn 24/7 with ease when they’re not properly diapered.

In addition to this you should also regularly prevent them from having the option to remove their diaper, especially if they object to wearing on a given day. Use locking clothing or diaper covers to keep their diaper securely in place. At night keep them in locking clothing and mittens to prevent diaper access and phone use.

Locking clothing sounds extreme but options are widely available for adults in care who also are prone to removing diapers to disastrous results. Normal clothing can also be easily made lockable by adding holes and a small luggage lock.

When wearing be expected to use them fully

Their diaper should act as their toilet completely when wearing. Allowing the use of the toilet for #2’s can trigger feelings of shame about not being accepted even if it would be more convenient at times. For clarity, you should still enforce this even when out of the house or on vacation.

The key part here is you EXPECT and WANT them to use their diapers. If they ask to use the toilet say no and that they need to use the diaper. If you smell a dirty diaper don’t act disgusted or surprised but instead mention it smells like they’ll might need to be changed soon.

To be forced to use them

Showing you expect them to use their diaper can be clearly demonstrated by you forcing them to. I’d recommend at least twice a week forcing them to mess their diaper through the use of suppositories, laxatives, or enema’s.

You should do this as randomly as possible. Insert a suppository during a change, give them ducolax tablets with dinner, administer a fleet enema randomly in the daytime. Make sure they get used to spending time in messy diapers before being changed.

Forcing them to wet their diaper is easy, just make sure they’re drinking a lot of water 8-10 cups a day which keeps them healthy, prevents strong-smelling urine and most importantly ensures their diaper never stays dry for long.

To be treated as a baby/little some of the time

Often one of the harder elements for both partners to accept is the need for babying alongside the diapers. Please don’t think this is something you can skip over as it’s often critical it’s included.

Babying can take many forms and in general, the more you can do the better even if infrequent. 

Ideally, on days when they’re wearing diapers, you should:

• Use thick diapers by default at home.
    • These are hard to hide and feel more babyish
   • ABDL designs are ideal
    • Have the added benefit of not requiring to be changed as often 

• Keep them in ABDL clothing or exposed diapers at home as much as possible 

• When diapered at home it shouldn’t be discrete 
    • Their clothing should clearly show the outline of their diaper and be babyish in nature 
   • Exposed diapers when temperatures allow should be encouraged 
    • If working from home, allow them to be adult on top while clearly a baby below

• At night they should almost always be thickly diapered, in ABDL nightwear and mittens.
    • Mittens are highly recommended to prevent removal of their diaper and prevent phone use at night.

• In public you should be discreet but ABDL clothing can still be worn underneath their adult clothing.
    • On vacation experiment being slightly bolder with more childish attire or less discreet diapers.
    • Swim diapers are a fun way to embarrass them without most people realizing anything is different.

• An adult pacifier should be used regularly and inserted by you.
   • At bedtime, while watching tv and during diaper changes work well.

• You should try bottle-feeding them once or twice a day.
    • This will feel weird at first but push through and it’s a lovely bonding activity 
    • I recommend giving a bottle of milk/water/juice at bedtime and in the morning while together in bed

• Their diapers, pacifiers and bottles shouldn’t be hidden away 
    • Physiologically hiding their supplies shows you’re ashamed of it so when guests aren’t present, the fact they wear diapers shouldn’t be hidden.

• You should check their diapers regularly
    • I recommend thick ABDL diapers as this will reduce the number of changes you do but diapers should still be checked every few hours.
    • Checks should involve them exposing their diaper and you checking how wet or used it is physically.
    • Messy diapers should be changed after at least 30 minutes have passed but normally within 2 hours.

• You should change most of their diapers 
    • The default should always be you’re changing them
    • If you're unable or unwilling to do it on occasion then you must give them permission to change themselves first
    • Wet diaper changes are quick and easy so shouldn’t pose a challenge 
    • Messy changes are tougher but with the right prep and a suitable changing area can be effortlessly dealt with and it can not be overstated the positive impact you caring for your partner in this way can make.

• When diapered and especially at night you should talk to them and treat them more as a small child or baby.
    • Giving a teddy to cuddle or reading to them are simple activities

This might feel like a lot initially but once you’re in the routine it will become time you enjoy and won’t feel like a chore.

Over time and if your circumstances allow, building them a nursery is a wise move. Firstly this room can encompass all of their ABDL items to be quickly locked away if you have visitors while also showing them you fully accept this part of them. But more importantly it allows you to fully immerse them at certain times. Don’t worry even with a nursery they’re not going to become full time babies I promise.

An ABDL nursery should include:

• An adult-sized crib
• A changing table
• Plenty of diaper storage where the diapers aren’t hidden 
• ABDL clothing storage
• A diaper pail
• Be cutely decorated
• A range of bears, toys, etc…

To feel a loss of control

Many elements of this are covered in the above sections but it’s important that they feel helpless and that you’re fully in control some of the time.

The best way to achieve this is through the use of bondage and embarrassing situations. Bondage simulates the feeling of losing control, especially when combined with diapers. 

Some bondage examples you should try: 

• Insert a suppository, diaper them thickly, and place them in a straight jacket before leaving them for a few hours.
• Keep them in a straight jacket for a day caring for their needs (giving bottles, feeding them, and changing them)
• Use restraints overnight after giving two ducolax tablets with dinner
• Leave them restrained on their changing table or bed while you go out shopping

Some embarrassing examples you should try:

• Make them wear thick diapers when leaving the house
• Insert a suppository before sending them out shopping
• Change their diaper in an adult changing area (available widely now in airports, malls, and other public buildings)
• Make them sit in the back of the car in just a onesie and diaper (with adult clothes to hand incase required)
• Before setting off on a drive or before returning home from a day trip or restaurant make them go insert a suppository.
• Change their diaper in the back seats of your car
• Take them to go buy them adult diapers together
• Dress them as the opposite gender at home for a few days
• Check their diaper before leaving the house and even if you’d normally change them instead just take them out in their bulky diaper.
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For you to care for them

If you do the above they will feel more loved, accepted, and happier than they could have ever imagined.

When they’re diapered (not all the time) try to treat them some of the time as someone you’ve caring for. Most find this easiest to imagine as their child but alternatively, you could think of them being special needs and you’re a carer.

Simple actions like telling them how cute they look and buying diapers and ABDL items as presents can go a long way. Try also to give them positive encouragement for using their diapers as much as possible.
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Additional Male Advice

Specifically male ABDL’s often suffer from powerful feelings of shame following an orgasm which can derail your plans.

Initially, I recommend trying your best to keep them diapered after an orgasm but if that proves difficult chastity can be highly effective.

Invest in a high-quality device and keep them locked most or all of the time. It seems drastic but it can massively improve their quality of life, has no negative side effects, and can be relaxed over time as their acceptance grows. They can still pleasure you as regularly as you desire using toys or oral means but they should only be released every 1-2 weeks.

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Example Week

When reading the above it is easy to feel overwhelmed, feel that you’ll never be able to do so much, or don’t know where you’ll find the time.

The below example is indicative of what a week may look like for you and hopefully will help make it all feel less overwhelming. For this example, I’ve used a partner who works at home some days and you work at home also. Please adapt to your situation.

Sunday Night (Planning):‍

Find 5 minutes to quickly plan out the week ahead, you shouldn’t share this with your partner but it can be a big help having the structure pre-decided. Importantly you’re looking to identify which days they can wear and when different elements can be involved. 

Your plan might look like this:

Monday: Partner working in the office = No diapers
Tuesday: Partner working in the office = No diapers
Wednesday: Partner working from home = Diapered all-day + Forced mess today
Thursday: Partner working from home = Diapered all-day
Friday: Partner working from home =Diapers after work
Saturday: At home = Diapers + Baby Day
Sunday: Day out = Diapers until nighttime

This would have your partner diapered for about 60% of the week.

Let’s break down what each day might look like:

Monday:‍

- After their shower, hand them underwear for the day. (1 min)

Tuesday:‍

- After their shower, hand them underwear for the day. (1 min)

Wednesday:‍

- Diaper them after their morning shower into a thick diaper and locking onesie. (5 mins)
- They can then get dressed on top for work.
- 11am-Midday check their diaper but it’s unlikely a change will be required (1 min)
- 2 pm Check and change their diaper (5 mins)
- 5 pm Check diaper but change unlikely (1 min)
- 7 pm (After dinner) change their diaper with a pacifier inserted and dress them in ABDL clothing (7 mins)
- 9 pm check their diaper and insert a suppository. Let them spend the next two hours doing an activity of their choice or watching TV together. (3 mins)
- 11 pm tell them to clean up themselves but then re-diaper them for the night, insert their pacifier, and dress them in ABDL nightwear and mittens (7 mins).
- In bed feed them a bottle of milk (3 mins)

Total time: 33 minutes

Thursday:

Same routine as Wednesday but include a bottle feeding in the morning and skip the suppository.
Total time: 30 minutes

Friday

- After their shower, hand them underwear for the day. (1 min)
- 5 pm After work diaper them and dress in ABDL clothing. (5 mins)
- 8 pm Check diaper but change unlikely (1 min)
- 11 pm change their diaper, insert pacifier, and dress them in ABDL nightwear and mittens (7 mins).
- In bed feed them a bottle of milk (3 mins)

Total time: 17 minutes

Saturday:

Today is going to be a baby day so will be a little more involved by you:

- In bed give them two ducolax tablets before bottle feeding them and telling them today is going to be a baby day. (3 mins)
- 10 am Change them into an ABDL diaper, ABDL clothes, Mittens, and their Pacifier. (7 mins)
- Let them watch TV or similar activity in the morning. You can choose to allow gaming in which case remove mittens but ensure the diaper is secure with locking clothing or some sort.
- Midday - check their diaper before lunch (1 mins)
- Lunch - choose from one of the below:
     - Let them eat an adult-style lunch with a bib and toddler cutlery (2 mins)
      - Prepare a simple ready meal like mac ‘n cheese or spaghetti Bolognese which they must eat with their hands (5 mins)
       - Feed them their meal with their hands still in mittens (10 mins)
- In the afternoon let them play with legos, a train set, toddle toys, or watch more TV. 
- 2 pm diaper check and change if required (5 mins)
- 4 pm diaper check and bottle feed (5 mins)
- 6 pm - Dinner - Like lunch choose an option (5-10 mins)
- 8 pm diaper check and likely a messy diaper change (10 mins)
- 10 pm bedtime and bottle feed (3 mins)

Total time: 50-60 minutes 

Sunday:‍

- In bed, bottle feed them (3 mins)
- Diaper them after their morning shower into a medium-thickness diaper, a plain onesie, and public suitable clothing. (5 mins)
- Pack a diaper bag for them with 2 diapers, a change of clothes, wipes, etc.
- Enjoy your day out while checking their diaper every 2 hours.
- When it’s time for a change, find a family restroom, or adult changing station or use the back seats of your car to change their diaper.
- Enjoy the rest of your day continuing to check their diaper every 2 hours.
- Once back home change them out of their diapers once fully used and into adult nightwear.
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‍Getting Started

Some couples try to slowly work up to the level of diapers and babying they’re aiming for but I’m a strong advocate for diving straight into it. The problem with building up is your routine and expectations are constantly changing and it can portray a lack of acceptance to your partner.

So if you’re willing to do as we outlined above, how do you put this into motion?

The first step is for you to take control of buying their supplies, this will show your partner you’re in control and serious about doing this. I’ve included a shopping list below and recommended places to buy for the USA & UK.

I recommend having 3 months of diapers in stock to show you’re also not thinking short-term. 3 months wearing 50% = 150 diapers

If you’re not comfortable making these purchases, give your partner the list and tell them to order it all. They’ll be scared and excited at the same time.

Shopping List

Many thanks to a UK contributor who provided the links for buying these surplies in the UK, USA and other countries are coming soon.

Diapers‍

90x Little Kings (ABDL Diaper) or mix of different types
https://uk.abuniverse.com/products/little-kings?variant=43161607274726

40x MegaMax (Thick medical diaper)
‍https://nru.co.uk/products/northshore-megamax-white

20x Thinner medical diaper
https://www.nru.co.uk/products/northshore-megamax-airlock

Clothing

2x Plain Onesies

2x ABDL Onesies
https://www.diaper-minister.com/en/bodysuits/794-35580-onesie-lil-comforts-dinosaur.html
https://www.diaper-minister.com/en/33-bodysuits

1x Shortalls
https://www.nru.co.uk/products/tykables-liddles-engineer-shortalls

2x Footer PJs
https://www.diaper-minister.com/en/footed-pyjamas/881-36045-red-bear-stripe-footed-pajama.html

1x Diaper Dress (incl for boys)
https://www.diaper-minister.com/en/bodysuits/884-36068-blue-striped-bodysuit-dress.html

1x ABDL Pajamas
https://www.diaper-minister.com/en/58-abdl-pajama-and-shorts

1x Diaper Tshirt
https://www.diaper-minister.com/en/pulls/556-34170-sweatshirt-kiddo-vroom.html

Accessories

2x Adult Baby Bottle
https://www.nru.co.uk/products/rearz-daydreamer-easy-grip-adult-bottle
https://www.nru.co.uk/products/rearz-dinosaur-oversized-adult-baby-bottle-450ml

2x Adult Baby Pacifiers
https://www.nru.co.uk/products/adult-elephant-printed-dummy-pacifier

1x Adult Baby Bib
https://www.nru.co.uk/products/kiddo-little-sailors-ahoy-silicone-bib

1x Teddy
https://www.nru.co.uk/products/tykables-ted-e-bear

1x Changing Mat

2x Plastic Pants
https://www.diaper-minister.com/en/plastic-pants/111-377-suprima-1311-4009867015680.html

1x Toddler cutlery set
1x Lockbox for their underwear
1x Diaper bag

Bondage

1x Locking Diaper Cover
https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/675946633/blue-lockable-diaper-cover-pants-anti

1x Straightjacket
https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/574853600/baby-blue-abdl-straitjacket-straitjacket

1x Locking mittens
https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/1395160042/blue-safety-mittens-soft-padded-mittens

1x Bed / Changing Table Restraints
https://shop.4abies.com/en/for-bed/1310-70025-mattress-harness-for-locking-products.html#/443-type-straps/450-buckles-side/461-mattress_size-200x160x15cm/654-straps_color-wide_white_258 https://shop.4abies.com/en/harnesses/1355-56019-locking-diaper-belt.html#/148-strength-escape_proof/257-waist-s/706-color-soft_furry_blue_255
https://shop.4abies.com/en/collarscuffs/1338-69943-locking-adult-collar.html#/148-strength-escape_proof/471-neck-m/708-color-boats_245

1x Pacifier Gag
https://paddedpawz.com/collections/pacifier-gags/products/adult-pacifier-gag-head-harness-pink-abdl-dummy-gag

1x Forced Crawling Booties
https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/778130754/crawling-habit-training-restraining

Changing Supplies

5x Adult wipes
https://www.nru.co.uk/products/drylife-xxl-5-in1-incontinence-wipes-pack-of-25

1x Disposable gloves
https://www.nru.co.uk/products/drylife-clear-vinyl-powder-free-gloves

2x Baby powder
1x Diaper rash cream
1x Diaper pail

Furniture (Optional)

1x High Chair
‍https://www.amazon.co.uk/Oypla-Professional-Folding-Director-Storage/dp/B07XYDYJNR
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Pepe-Wheelchair-Removable-Easy-Fit/dp/B0DR2ZLCQ2 https://www.amazon.co.uk/YdseozOA-Wheelchair-Adjustable-Breathable-Accessories/dp/B0C6WRHT57

1x Changing Table
1x Crib
1x Playpen

Diaper Training Supplies

1x Ducolax Suppositories
1x Ducolax Tablets
1x Enema Kit
1x Fibre Tablets

Once you have the supplies, make your plan for the coming week and start. I recommend starting on a Friday night as you’ll be able to focus more on it over the weekend.

Set up the equipment and supplies.

Unless you’re happy to proceed straight to creating a nursery for them, I’d recommend setting up a dedicated changing area in a spare bedroom. The bed should have the restraints fitted and a changing mat placed on top. Openly store all their diapers and ABDL clothes in this room (when guests are not going to be staying). Their diapers pail should live in here alongside changing supplies such as wipes, gloves & powder.

It’s very important that from the start you make it clear this is a serious change and you’re in control. They’re likely used to playing in diapers and with ABDL items on their terms not yours but this needs to change.

I’d recommend using the restraints during all changes at first to drive home their lack of control.

Punishments

Bad behavior should have consequences. Be it arguing about wearing diapers to changing themselves without permission to being rude to you, these should result in a true punishment. This needs to be uncomfortable to them and not a funishment.

I recommend using spanking, forced messing and bondage be the main punishment methods. Extended diaper time or losing adult privileges can also be effective.

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