‍Is this wrong/illegal?‍

No, and absolutely not! 

Because the use of diapers is associated with children and/or your partner wants to be forced to act more like a child/baby it’s easy for people to jump to a bad conclusion. However DD, ABDL & diaper wearing has nothing to do with kids. Instead, it’s the desire to be more like a child/baby and have some control removed from their life.

DD, ABDL, and Age Play are some of the fastest-growing kinks and lifestyles but because they’re not commonly mentioned in the media it feels weird for people learning about it for the first time. This will slowly change just like BDSM is now a mainstream and talked about addition to sex.‍

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Am I going to lose the adult partner I grew to love?‍

No, in almost every case your partner doesn’t have a desire to be a baby all the time. They might want lifestyle changes such as wearing and using diapers to be enforced and to be babied occasionally but their adult responsibilities, discussions and love for you remain.

See DD as an addition to your relationship rather than it taking away from it.‍

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Why do they enjoy being forced to use diapers?

‍Most people who want DD, they desire to give up control (submission) but in a loving and long-term way. Being forced to give up toilet control and having to act more like a baby at times excites them by scratching a sexual itch but also relaxes them through the removal of some of adult life’s responsibilities.

Often they might not enjoy having to mess their diaper or stay in full diapers for a few hours awaiting a change, but the overall control this provides they do love. This is why it’s important to force DD over a longer period than other sexual encounters, as they might not always want it at the time, but long term they do.‍

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What caused this desire?‍

The community has tried to answer this for many years but there doesn’t seem to be any clear reason or pattern. For some, it forms from having to wear diapers for bedwetting, for others it evolves from other submission or age play tendencies. 

It isn’t likely that it's a direct result of trauma in their childhood, anything bad happening in their past, or having “daddy/mummy issues”. Broadly speaking, so far it appears to be fairly random.‍

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Will they leave me if I can’t do this?‍

If your partner has a strong desire for DD or they’re an ABDL you're unlikely to change that and not engaging at all with it isn’t likely to end well.

However if you're vanilla, your partner won't be expecting you to instantly jump into a dom/mommy/daddy role and the efforts you do make will be highly appreciated.

It’s possible to also enforce DD without being massively involved yourself. At a minimum make sure you enforce their wearing and usage of diapers as agreed and build up to more active participation through checking, changes, punishments, and babyish activities.‍

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I’m worried about this once we have kids‍

Many couples using DD have had kids without DD becoming a problem. We have a whole article on this subject but it’s easy to keep a level of DD without kids ever finding out.

You and their experience with diapers should also make dealing with your first children easier than many new parents.‍

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How do I stop it from getting out of control?‍

In ABDL and DD this is called a binge/purge cycle and you may have noticed they show increased desires for DD after periods away from it.

This behavior pattern is damaging for your partner as they spend a lot of time either ashamed or distracted by cravings for DD.

The best way to combat this and keep their desires from getting out of control is the usage of consistent non-negotiable DD. You want your partner to feel like this is now part of their life and not something to be ashamed about.

We recommend 3 days of diapers as the minimum for DD as we’ve found this level prevents the buildup of strong negative feelings or desires. Enforcing more frequent wearing up to 24/7 or using automatic increasing/decreasing DD strategies is fine to suit your relationship.

Showing your acceptance of them and getting more involved will allow them to be more open in turn with you and less likely to let feelings build up over long periods.‍

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How can I force an adult to wear and use diapers?‍

Physically it’s unlikely you can but the key to DD is it’s something they’ve agreed to and you’re instead just enforcing the rules you agreed.

You can use pre-agreed threats if required but most of the time you just need to say it’s non-negotiable that they’re in diapers as required.

Often it’s only a small push they’ll need to stick to the rules. Lay out their diapers for them and check them a few times a day to ensure they are wearing them.‍

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I’m worried I’ll think of them differently when in diapers.‍

In some ways, this is a good thing but it’s just a sign you need to normalize this as part of your relationship and life.

When they’re wearing diapers you should treat them more like a child. Baby talk and usage of bottles and pacifiers are great additions for DD and you can harness the “thinking of them differently” to improve their DD experience. You will also probably find this fun once you're used to it.

The other huddle is you just need to get used to this. It is strange for a vanilla person so don’t feel ashamed at having these feelings but making an effort to normalize it will help you both. This is covered in more detail in our guide for new dom partners but you should make an effort to see and touch your partner’s diapers when they’re wet and messy. Making them wear revealing clothing such as just a t-shirt around the house will add to their humiliation and help you adjust to seeing them in diapers as normal.

Over time you’ll still see them differently when they’re wearing but this should have become a “good different” rather than a bad one.

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‍I’m worried someone will find out‍

This is highly unlikely even for couples who enforce 24/7 DD. Hiding diapers under clothes is easy and keeping things discreet at home is simple.

If someone did find out there are many reasons your partner might be wearing a diaper and DD is likely to be the last thing on their mind. It can be described as a short-term medical issue and nobody will ask questions.‍

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How far should I go with DD rules, etc‍

If your partner is ABDL or wants DD a discussion is required with them about their comfort/interest level. Once you understand this you should, however, set their DD to be stricter so as to actually fulfill their desires it needs to not always be fun.

For example, a lot of people might be ok with wetting but not keen on messing. This has been widely covered in other posts but we recommend a full toilet ban to ensure DD is effective. Equally, even if they don’t have adult baby desires, the use of pacifiers, bottles, and babyish clothing are additions you should make.‍

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Will I ever enjoy being a Dom in DD?‍

It’s common that vanilla partners grow to enjoy DD and the benefits it brings. Some of the authors of this website started out being against DD and now are advocates for it.‍

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If I end up enjoying having my partner in diapers, can/should I make it full-time?‍

In short yes and this happens to about 20% of couples using DD. If you’re finding you’re enjoying the benefits of DD and dislike the days your partner isn’t wearing feel free to step it up to 24/7.

The best strategy here is to not even make it a discussion and commit fully once decided. In our opinion, if your partner has asked for DD then you’re fully in your right to put them in DD even if they’re hesitant at first.

You could go for a gradually increasing DD level strategy but we suggest that a big bang change is more effective. When their next DD period is coming to a close, empty their underwear draw and throw it all away (or store somewhere very hidden), replacing them with more diapers. During the change where they’ll be expecting underwear instead re-diaper them. This alone will often prompt the question and just be firm that you’ve decided that they should now be in diapers full time. Show them the empty underwear draw as proof you’re serious.

When switching in this way we recommend that you go to full 24/7 meaning they’ll never again use a toilet. If possible enforce full diaper wearing at work but if more discretion is required replace diapers with pull-ups during working hours. To prevent them from using the toilet in this scenario set a rule that one diaper a day outside of work must be messy (use a suppository in the morning if required) and you should expect them to return with at least a wet pull-up to prove they’re not cheating.‍

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I want to remove the option of ever stopping DD‍

This is a very serious step and should only be done once you’ve had your partner in 24/7 diapers for at least a year, your relationship is fully committed and you’re both happy with DD. 

Couples decide to do this to remove the thought of not wearing diapers as an option, make DD permanent, and allow them to be more open about it. 

Achieving this involves a few steps:

1. Remove all their underwear and replace with only diapers (no pulls ups).
2. Make adjustments around your home for full-time diaper wearing such as a permanent changing table and supplies in your bedroom.
3. Start your partner on Diaper training so they slowly lose their bladder and bowel control making diapers required
4. Stop hiding diapers completely from other people in your life. Close friends and family will likely need to be told that your partner needs to wear diapers to avoid any awkward discoveries. You don’t need to tell people this is out of choice but instead position it as a medical condition that makes diapers required while assuring them their overall health is fine.
5. Make sure their wardrobe contains clothes for all occasions which work well at concealing their diaper.