One element of Diaper Discipline which can be challenging for both partners is the use of diapers for messing.
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When in diapers we highly recommend that the toilet is completely out of bounds. Making an exception in public is acceptable initially but this should be phased out as quickly as possible.
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Why is this so important? The key element of DD is the removal of control of one of your partner's most basic functions; going to the toilet. If you allow them to use the toilet when they need to poo this quickly becomes abused and diaper wearing is less effective. Having to mess yourself is humiliating and solidifies their position as a diaper wearer. Your diaper-wearing partner will likely rebel against or complain about messy diapers but this must be a no-negotiation area. You’ll see that they quickly get used to this and realize it’s nowhere near as bad as they’ve built up in their head.

But what about you? Having a partner in diapers is one thing, making them wet them feels fairly harmless but seeing your partner filling their diaper can feel much weirder. Again a lot of this is just built up in your head and you’ll quickly get used to it. In fact it often becomes something you’ll enjoy seeing them do and actively encourage.
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But there are a few steps you can take to help the transition. First is the use of internal deodorants which will address the biggest challenge of messy diapers, the smell. There are several brands available and we’ve found Devrom to be effective and can be safely taken long term.

With the smell reduced you can also add the use of plastic pants anytime you think messing will be likely. This helps further reduce the smell to near zero and protects against leaks.
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Taking control of when they mess can have planning benefits. The use of an overnight laxative or a suppository in the morning can give you a predictable messy diaper which is easier to manage.
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Although ideally, you should change their diaper wherever possible, new caregivers can struggle with messy changes. If you take control of their messing then it becomes easier to make them take it off in private and have a shower straight away. Making messy changes their problem is fine but please do try one at some point as it can take the dynamic to a new level.

Finally, you should get your partner used to using their diaper fully when in public. The internal deodorant and plastic pants make this possible as nobody else will be affected. A suppository before heading out shopping is the most effective way we’ve found to cross this bridge.

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